The first step.

Hi everyone,

I'm Terasita, and I am an addict. I can't go a day without my fixes. Sometimes, I binge on them for days at a time, and then wake up feeling strung out and haggard. But I want to stop.

What are my vices?

White sugar and caffeine.

I'm sure you're thinking "Oh, that's nothing." But if you thought that, watch out, because you don't know how evil these things really are.

What's Wrong with Sugar?

I dunno, what's wrong with cocaine? Oh right, it messes up your body and your life. Well, sugar is no different. White sugar is highly processed, and like most processed, chemically engineered products, it's completely imbalanced. So unlike a natural, balanced food which will energize your body, sugar attacks it.

Plus...it's HIGHLY addictive.

Exactly what does it do? Leeches vitamins and minerals from your bones, suppresses your immune system, sends your internal chemistry on a roller coaster ride, AND it can make you gain weight (because there's nothing else your body can do with it!), and is associated with cancer and diabetes.

Gross...actually, I'll take the cocaine. Caffeine does many of the same things, except it can also reduce your ability to feel safe and peaceful, mess with your fertility, and cause breast cysts. WHY would I ever want these things in my body.

Confession

I'm not perfect. And I try to be real on here, for as much as I update. I love being vegan, but there are times when I am lazy and I just don't feel like making myself a healthy, balanced meal. Yes, OK, one time I went for a 11 mile run and instead of cooking for myself afterwords, I let myself starve until I binged on a Big Mac (I also woke up the next day with the WORST hangover ever. And I don't even GET hangovers when I drink alcohol. Just shows you how nasty McD's is.).

But it's sort of stupid for me to go through all this effort to remove meat and dairy from my diet if I'm just going to leave stuff like sugar in. Like I said, it'd be like me harping on eating healthy and then doing loads of cocaine.

It's going to be hard to get off my drugs. But I am worth it. I am worth taking the extra time to use sweeteners like brown rice sweetener or real maple syrup. I am worth choosing an apple over gummi worms.

I am worth a healthy diet.

And I am also worth a bubble bath, which I will now be taking.

Update? What?

I am a horrible blogger. But you never know, I could get better.

However, I thought I'd give you an update on my progress! The half-marathon is set for October 17th. We had to reschedule because my aunt forgot, plus a family gathering is now scheduled for the original weekend, so it will be my mother and I running on the 17th! That being said, it will be a long, long race if SOMEONE (aka me) doesn't get off their lazy butt and work out more!!

Oh goodness, but I am down....18 pounds!! Yes, 18 pounds! Which puts me down about 1-2 sizes to a solid size 8.

I've been doing well on my diet. As my runs have been increasing in distance, I've found it increasingly difficult to consume enough without dairy, so I have occasionally had to add that back in. However, I've also been learning to cook wholly from scratch, which has been...interesting. Sometimes delicious...sometimes not. But more and more delicious as time goes on!

I'm preparing to enter into my senior year of college, and I couldn't be more excited and frightened. In a way, I'm very ready to be out on my own. I look forward to my OWN house, my OWN career, my OWN life. However, it's also frightening, knowing that I'm going to be making career decisions that could affect me forever. Plus, I haven't quite ruled out graduate school and possibly graduate school in China. The high chance that I will be returning to the PRC in a year is both exciting and frightening.

What else? I want to learn to dance!!! On the one hand, I've always wanted to learn how to swing and jive. But on the other hand, there's a wonderful Chinese dance academy in the area which would also give me a language community to practice in. Which will I choose? Will I be good? (spoiler alert: I'm a horrible dancer. I just love it)

Until next time!

PS The cats are absolutely lovely. Thanks for asking!

Suffering

A wise man once said, "It is truly remarkable that in a world of so many, such a vast and unfulfillable hole can be left with the death of just one."


My friend's wonderful, healthy, 50 year old father just passed away suddenly. It's a tragedy too vast for words, so I wont try to say much more.

But please, if you're reading this, take this time to show the ones in your life that you love them. Sometimes, life just passes for no reason, and you never know when it'll be your last chance to say those words.

No matter what happens tomorrow, you have the gift of today. Never take for granted even one minute with those you love in your life.

Fairytale Kitten

You know the beginning to Disney's Beauty and the Beast? An old woman comes to the castle to beg for shelter, but the Prince, appalled by her horrible appearance, sends her away. She then reveals herself to be a beautiful enchantress in disguise.

Well, Lizard is that Prince (he's Chinese, so the accepted term is "Little Emperor"). I fell in love with Susu (real name Copernicus) the moment I saw him, but to Lizard, he was too dark.

At the shelter, he was called "crazy water bowl kitty". He was so upset after all his litter-mates got adopted, and he was lonely. Plus, this kitty does NOT like to be in a cage. He would climb his cage, tip over the water bowl, desperately trying to get out.

At first, we thought Susu was a black cat. And Lizard hates black cats because he thinks they're ugly. But I fell in love with Susu. Plus, no one else was going to adopt him because everyone thought he was crazy.

I got my Susu. And there were fights about it. But, like all the other times, it turns out I was right about the cat.

The shelter labeled him as a domestic medium hair. However, as Susu has grown, what once appeared to be petite-ness due to his unfortunate circumstances has revealed itself to be a mislabeling of breed. Susu is definitely of Siamese origin, and most likely an Oriental Longhair. He has that graceful, elegant, Siamese look, but his coat is not your average Siamese.

We though Susu was black, but he's actually a smoke colored cat, meaning his fur is black at the tips, and white at the base. As he's grown, he's lightened, and is turning more of a chocolate brown. But the best part is that he's also got stripes and spots, and as he lightens you can see them more and more.

He's a smart cat, and he already plays fetch better than my dog (which, despite the fact that she is a retriever, is not saying anything). It also means that he figures out a way to get into everything! However, a couple squirts stop him pretty nicely.

It just goes to show, just because a kitten is pretty when he's born, doesn't mean he'll be pretty when he grows up! I guess it pays to look inward, and take a chance on something...even if that something is a crazy water-bowl kitty.

I'm happy to be able to care for this little kitty. He is truly a remarkable little being.

Sunshine and smiles!

It's a heat wave around here! Well, as much of a heat wave as us Washingtonians get. Which, for someone used to being in LA, is not that hot at all...except that no one has AC, which means there's no where to hide from the heat.

It also means that I can break out my California clothes. I've hidden from them because of how I felt about my body, but I'm working on accepting myself at any weight. Also, the running has been doing wonders for my body, so I'm looking and feeling stronger.

Today I broke out one of my favorite dresses. I kept it in my bag until after my run, and when I put it on, I couldn't believe how short it was! OK, not California short, but since my return here, I've worn all my skirts to the knee. Wearing a shorter one with heels made me realize how much I love my legs!

In fact, I realized I love wearing short skirts! I don't know why, but it makes me feel powerful, free and awesome! I think I've just been hiding myself under my clothes. Actually WEARING clothes that make me look good makes me feel better about myself! Respecting myself more makes me want to take better care of myself, and helps me keep my eating under control.

Plus I just look good!

Why have one goal when you can have a million?

So lately I've picked up a goal or two here and there.

I'm officially signed up and in training to run a half-marathon on October 10th with my mom and aunt. Which means that I have about 14 weeks to go from my current weight of 187 and drop to my race weight of 160. A tall order, but I'm the kind of person who responds well to a well-defined goal. Any way you slice it though, it's not going to be easy.

I'm now a double major. Have I ever told you that my program (Chinese) is one of the hardest at my already hard college? Well, it is easily one of the most demanding majors out there. Plus I'm in honors 4th year. But I've been missing my one true love, Epistemology. Before the transfer, I was one class and a seminar away from the double major. Here, I'm about 4 away, due to a residency requirement. And I'm going for it. Lord have mercy on my senior year.

I'm looking to land an internship. Because I clearly don't have enough to do this year. Hahaha. I suppose I'm hoping that between training, studying, and working I wouldn't have time to sit on my butt eating, thus achieving my goal weight. Not really, I just love being busy.

KITTY UPDATE!
They are amazing! It's been a long ride. The first day we got the cats, we had a massive fight. The biggest we've ever had. I'm still reeling from it. To be honest, I would have just walked away right then and there except for the cats. At first, it was like having kids with someone you aren't with. Taking turns caring for the cats, avoiding contact. Leaving notes with updates.

But we've come to realize what the other one needs. He was upset because he thought all of the kitty care would fall to him. Since I pitch in and do most of it, he's completely cool with having them. Actually, he really likes it. I also help out with cleaning around the house, which I don't mind, since I'm here with the cats anyways, and it takes me very little time. In return, I get cats, who calm me down when I'm stressed; and a quiet place to study.

I also realize I really like being around him. Even when I'm cranky. I don't like NOT being here...it feels lonely at home. We've become much better at communicating and much better at appreciating each other.

Anyways, I'm in a good place. Hoping you all are too!!

Detox Diaries, Days 3&4: Falling off and Getting Back On

Blargh, I don't remember exactly what I ate on Day 3, but I do know I ate meat. My friend was visiting from out of town...he wanted Chinese...it's family style...blah blah blah. I don't know how much I ate, but it was definitely more than I should, so the next morning, the first thing I did was buy a food journal. I use it to document what I eat and plan my next day.

It might be the most freeing experience ever.

That accountability, that being able to SEE how much wiggle room I have, really helps me stay on track. And the planning is great, because I can make sure I get all of my nutrients in every day. Generally, when I plan, I plan low, giving myself about 300kCal for things that come up in the day. Cravings. It's not a lot, but it allows me a few bites here and there.

What else....

As far as detox is concerned, there haven't been any uber horrible side effects. However, I did just eat meat, so, that may be a skewed result :P

My mind is now rejecting meat. My body craves it after I have a bite...then it's really hard to stop. But If I don't have any, it's not bad. I'll post more later with my diary logs and such.