Detox Diaries, Days 3&4: Falling off and Getting Back On

Blargh, I don't remember exactly what I ate on Day 3, but I do know I ate meat. My friend was visiting from out of town...he wanted Chinese...it's family style...blah blah blah. I don't know how much I ate, but it was definitely more than I should, so the next morning, the first thing I did was buy a food journal. I use it to document what I eat and plan my next day.

It might be the most freeing experience ever.

That accountability, that being able to SEE how much wiggle room I have, really helps me stay on track. And the planning is great, because I can make sure I get all of my nutrients in every day. Generally, when I plan, I plan low, giving myself about 300kCal for things that come up in the day. Cravings. It's not a lot, but it allows me a few bites here and there.

What else....

As far as detox is concerned, there haven't been any uber horrible side effects. However, I did just eat meat, so, that may be a skewed result :P

My mind is now rejecting meat. My body craves it after I have a bite...then it's really hard to stop. But If I don't have any, it's not bad. I'll post more later with my diary logs and such.

Detox Diaries, Day 2: Hunger Strikes

Today's Menu:

Breakfast: Miso soup and vegan black-bean enchiladas

Lunch: Vegetable Curry, Okra, Rice and Naan at a restaurant

Dinner: Miso, Bean patty, and perhaps a veggie burger

Treat: Fresh Berries, maybe some non-dairy ice cream.

My body has begun to realize it's not getting any animal products. Although it still feels great, it has begun to crave the heaviness of meat and dairy. This means that, while I'm not really hungry, my body just wants food. However, my brain doesn't feel deprived at all. By adding in berries and non-dairy ice cream (which I normally avoid), I feel like I'm being decadent!

However, it's the next couple days that are really going to be the tough ones. Hopefully, I'll make it through without headaches or anything!

Detox Diaries, Day 1

After several months of sticking to a strict, vegan diet, I went back to eating meat. Why? Laziness, for one. Temptation, for another. I live at home, and my mother always makes these AMAZING meat-filled meals. I began to feel that my problem was that I wasn't aware enough of what I was eating, and that maybe now with my nutritional knowledge I could balance a meat diet.

Wrong

Instead, I blew up like a balloon, both from actual weight and from bloating. I feel every sort of disgusting, and finally, it just wasn't worth it anymore. I had to go back.

Which, of course, means that I have to go through another detox. Even though I think gradual detoxes are great options, I'm so sick of animal products that I'm just going cold turkey.

Day 1

It's amazing how much better I feel already. I don't feel sluggish or weighed down, and I have less of a craving to binge tonight, though this could just be the day. I'm also focusing on getting more sleep, and sleeping at the right times (night). Since I have early class, this should help.

My mother found me some bean burgers, which are great because I hate preparing beans. I mean, it takes like a day. I don't have that kind of time!! But beans are a great part of a balanced vegan diet, so I'm hoping this will allow me to add them in (although I do wish it wasn't processed).

My Menu:

Breakfast: 2 quaker oat cakes (the early morning was rough, I ate on the go)

Lunch: 2 bean patties with spinach, peanut, and veggie stir-fry over whole brown-rice noodles.

Dinner: Miso soup plus something else...haven't decided.

So, so far so good. We'll see how I feel when day 3 hits...

I will not blame the scale...I will not blame the scale...

I ought to change this blog to "confessions of a fat-girl failure". Nah, I kid. But I have been doing rotten on my diet.

First, the positives:
I've been working out and gaining distance in running
I bought a kettleball, and have been weight-training daily
I feel better, stronger, and am definitely more toned
My clothes fit better

But there is one negative:
I binge.

Late night binges are sabotaging my whole diet. I am doing GREAT otherwise, but my 1,000 calorie binges late at night are preventing the scale from moving one bit. Yet, I've made a breakthrough(I think): I have food issues. Serious ones.

My mom's family is beautiful. Skinny, gorgeous, perfect. And I'm not saying I'm ugly...I've got some cute in me! But my dad's family are OBESE. I mean, we're talking 250-300lbs. And I've got their metabolism. Ever since I can remember, my mom has been afraid that I would end up like that. So she HARPED on me about food. If I put one chip in my mouth, I'd hear "You're going to be 500lbs by the time you're 20 if you eat like that!". So, guess what, I stopped eating around people. Which lead to staying up late to binge.

I don't blame my mom. I know that she really just didn't want me to end up like my dad's sisters. And you know what? She's RIGHT. I DO need to watch what I eat because I do have my dad's metabolism. But I'm also scared of food. I think it's the enemy. I feel guilty when I eat.

So I need to work through this. I need to find the line. Green beans are not the enemy, chips are the enemy. And you know what, a guilty pleasure is OK every now and again.

I've gotta get this. And once I do, I'll be on my way!

Because facts are Satan's sex toys.

I read a lot of Fundie blogs. Why? At first, I was interested in a way of life that was so very different than my own. I wanted to understand and explore why people lived a lifestyle that I would never choose. To be fair, I have learned quite a bit. My relationships have improved, and I have a lot more perspective on life. But lately, it's become like some sort of train wreck that I just can't look away from. Maybe it's because I understand things better now, maybe it's because the awe has worn off, but whatever it is, I find myself more and more put off from the lifestyle in general.

Now there's tons of things I could harp on...the obvious theological errors of the "dresses only" position (and I am all but dresses only simply by taste, so I don't hate), the hypocrisy, the sheep-mentality, anything and everything to do with individuals with the chromosomal signature XX, and the list goes on. Maybe I'll get to all of these one day. Maybe I'll put on my shrinking Candy shoes and do a series, but today I will stick to one topic: random unsubstantiated claims.

To begin this discussion, I have to make a confession: I am an education SNOB. I've been gifted all my life, and I value a good, quality education in myself and others. I also have a lot of RESPECT for people who dedicate a prodigious amount of time to exploring a topic. So it really bothers me when people make random claims and try to pass them off as fact.

"I think children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for" to back up why she disciplines her 7 month old baby for throwing toys and/or rolling off a rug. Oh, so you think your kid can understand that so it's OK, huh? Yeah, news flash sweetheart, I study early childhood cognition and development and let me tell you, I know that your child cannot understand that and that your discipline is both confusing to the child and damaging to what your child's brain is trying to grasp. Rules aren't able to be comprehended until much later, because not only is there not enough cognitive development, but there is also a lack of linguistic development (rules necessitate abstraction, abstraction necessitates language). But you think that, so it's OK.

You know what I do when I don't know something? Or maybe when I have a question, or am wondering whether or not my child can understand something? I educate myself. I get a book. I find out. I don't randomly make shit up and then run with it. And why is this so common amongst the movement? It's almost as if their afraid to really find out why things are the way they are.

On the other hand, it might just be really fun. Like maybe to today I THINK I am a size 6. So I totally am. Everything that tells me otherwise is just lying. Also, I think gravity is a lie.

So excuse me whilst I go for a quick flight.