I ought to change this blog to "confessions of a fat-girl failure". Nah, I kid. But I have been doing rotten on my diet.
First, the positives:
I've been working out and gaining distance in running
I bought a kettleball, and have been weight-training daily
I feel better, stronger, and am definitely more toned
My clothes fit better
But there is one negative:
I binge.
Late night binges are sabotaging my whole diet. I am doing GREAT otherwise, but my 1,000 calorie binges late at night are preventing the scale from moving one bit. Yet, I've made a breakthrough(I think): I have food issues. Serious ones.
My mom's family is beautiful. Skinny, gorgeous, perfect. And I'm not saying I'm ugly...I've got some cute in me! But my dad's family are OBESE. I mean, we're talking 250-300lbs. And I've got their metabolism. Ever since I can remember, my mom has been afraid that I would end up like that. So she HARPED on me about food. If I put one chip in my mouth, I'd hear "You're going to be 500lbs by the time you're 20 if you eat like that!". So, guess what, I stopped eating around people. Which lead to staying up late to binge.
I don't blame my mom. I know that she really just didn't want me to end up like my dad's sisters. And you know what? She's RIGHT. I DO need to watch what I eat because I do have my dad's metabolism. But I'm also scared of food. I think it's the enemy. I feel guilty when I eat.
So I need to work through this. I need to find the line. Green beans are not the enemy, chips are the enemy. And you know what, a guilty pleasure is OK every now and again.
I've gotta get this. And once I do, I'll be on my way!
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Hey there.
ReplyDeleteI hear you!
I am on the weight watchers program and have lost 48 pounds. late nights are a danger zone for me because after my kids go to bed and before my husband gets home from work I tend to wander into the kitchen and BLT (bite, lick, & taste) or all out pig-out.
I started alloting a certain number of points toward late night snacks, and lo...those moments where I find myself all of a sudden holding an empty bag of chips have all but stopped.
You don't have to be on WW to do this or even be counting calories. Just try planning a couple of late night snacks for yourself each night sometime between dinner and bedtime. I try to make one healthy and high protein for maximum satiety so I'm sure to not go to bed hungry (like a few egg whites scrambled & topped with salsa & a little cheese) and one real treat, like a few squares of dark chocolate or a low cal, low fat frozen treat like a root beer float made with diet root beer and 1/2 cup of lowfat ice cream. YES, guilty pleasures are okay, but failing to plan for them is planning to let them make you fail.
Whatever you do, don't fall for the myth that you should never eat after a certain time at night. A calorie is a calorie is a calorie and you're no more likely to store one as fat at midnight than you are at noon. Eating too much too late isn't good mainly because your body is struggling to assimilate the food while it should be focusing on repairing.
I know how you feel about being scared of food. While I have never struggled with an eating disorder, I have tried every diet imaginable and have gotten trapped in wicked cycles of obsession and guilt over food. That's why I love WW so much- it's completely flexible, not a diet but a lifestyle change (NO food is restricted on WW), and teaches you to make better choices and long term good habits rather than making you follow someone's rigid diet plan that you could never hope to maintain.
Sorry to drone on...I do love sharing how I have come to grips with my food demons. Incidentally, the message boards on the weight watchers website are free and packed with all kinds of help, support, & ideas.